Choices, and where you can stick 'em

Every time Dylan does something that may warrant some time on the step or in his room, we review his choices. Good choice- listening, bad choice- not listening, etc. This allows children to play an active role in their behavior and consequences. I am unsure where I first learned this from, but I know that Dylan's school follows the same philosophy. I do think it makes a difference. It helps kids think about the consequences before making their choice.

Let's say Dylan bonks Jordan on the head with a Weeble Wobble. Jordan cries, Dylan knows he's in trouble, he must apologize to Jordan, and then he is immediately sent to his room to think about his choices. When he comes back downstairs, we discuss them.

Sarah: "Dylan, what kind of a choice did you make? Was it a good choice or bad choice?"

Dylan: "Ummm, pretty much bad."

Sarah: "Okay, then what do you think would have been a better choice?"

Dylan: "How about if I am nice and don't hit?"

Sarah: "That would be a great choice, Dylan."

There are some times though, that I fantasize about throwing the stupid choices act right out the window. Take, for example, yesterday. Dylan and Jordan were sitting on the couch, watching Baby Einstein after Jordan's nap. This is a very delicate time for Jordan. He is at his worst after he wakes up. As he sat quietly watching the show for the millionth time, Dylan proceeds to swipe all of Jordan's Cheerios from Jordan's lap, scattering them all over my nice, just vacuumed floor. Jordan wigs out.

What happened next:

Sarah: "Dylan, why did you do that?"
(Sarah's fantasy): "What the %*^$ were you thinking?! What is the matter with you?! You knew he was gonna freak out and now I have to put up with all of his pissing and moaning!"

Dylan: "I don't know."

Sarah: "Well, it was not a good choice, and now you will have to clean up the mess, apologize, and go sit on the step."
(Sarah's fantasy): "Alright, wise ass, now, clean up all this *^%#, then say you're sorry to this screaming freaking banshee, and then you can mix me up a martini before you carry your sweet ass up the stairs where you will remain until you are eighteen!"