Toot, toot!
That's right, everyone! I am tooting my own horn! I have just recently received a letter from my college that a "process story" I wrote has been published in their English 101 book and is now for sale in the student bookstore. My mom bought a copy and had me sign it like I was a famous writer! My first copy to my mom.
Out of any of my stories which were submitted by my instructor, I was surprised when I found out that it was this one:
The first step in getting a space ranger to go into hyper-sleep is to let him know that there aren’t any other options. This can be tricky, as space rangers have a keen sense of time when it nears eight o’clock. The best way to tell him is by showing the ranger his glow-in-the-dark space suit. This normally gets him excited to start the procedure. It is normally a good idea to let him “charge up” their suits, so that he will glow in his chambers once the lights have been turned off.
Once the ranger has flown around the lower level of the house, it is now time for nightly formalities. At this point, the special agent in charge will sing a song, followed by a kiss. Yes, we know that this isn’t very “ranger-like,” but it is a necessity, and rangers do it best.
Next, is the long trip up the stairs to the second quadrant. There is a switch on the right hand side of the wall, and it must be flipped to an upright position before the trek is even attempted. On the way up the flight of steps, the alphabet is usually rehearsed, and the picture on the table is dutifully noted, by the ranger, as being “a baby.” It all appears to be very redundant to the untrained eye, but a special agent knows better-keep this in mind at all times.
Immediately afterward, the special agent readies the largely essential tooth-brushing device. Once a pea sized amount of super paste is put on the device, the agent scrubs the space ranger’s teeth. Next, the ranger will take over and continue the action. This step is critical, as a successful space ranger cannot have rotten teeth. This too, is dutifully noted each night.
Lastly, the most important steps of the night: we call this “The Big Tuck.” The ranger steps into his sleeping compartment, and shows the agent that the air cooling machine is not on, forcing the agent to start the apparatus. This is important because it is dangerous to allow the ranger to over-heat. When the ranger is comfortably lying on his bed, there is a very specific tactic to cover him for proper rest. First, the two matching yellow coverings are placed on either side of the ranger’s head, where he will adjust them to his liking. Next, the green cover is placed over the ranger’s body, and repeated with the fluffy white cover. The last cover actually belongs to Special Agent Mom, but when she wasn’t looking, the ranger stole it for his own collection. It is, I must say, a beautiful, burgundy, goose-down throw, and is positioned to the left of his body.
As soon as that step is effectively finished, the space ranger will want a hug and kiss. He does this because he knows that the special agent in charge will probably just beg and grovel, and refuse to leave until he does this. The agent and ranger then exchange their ceremonial “goodnights,” and “I love yous.” It seems that this is the most enjoyable part of the entire ritual for both. Soon, the ranger will sing himself to sleep, glowing in his suit the entire time. If the agent does not vacate the area quickly enough, he or she is liable to sit in the hall to listen, and slowly have his or her heart melted. Although it sounds dangerous, it is actually said to be quite therapeutic.
So, are you ready? Did you pay attention? If you do not follow each and every direction which I clearly laid out for you, the ranger will pick up on this and not let you continue to the next step without first correcting the mistake. If you can complete the process correctly, you are then deemed certified as someone who will forever be able to put a space ranger to hyper-sleep. Congratulations, Special Agent.
Out of any of my stories which were submitted by my instructor, I was surprised when I found out that it was this one:
The Nightly Bedtime Ritual of a Two-Year-Old Space Ranger
Most people don’t think too much about what goes into putting a space ranger to bed. You see, many people don’t know how particular they are, and how much they need consistency. Sure, many have tried to duplicate the process, but none have been able to accomplish this task except for Special Agent Mom and Dad. There is hope though, so don’t let me frighten you. I can provide you with secret training that (taken seriously enough) can certify you in this highly honored tradition. So listen up, rookie.
Most people don’t think too much about what goes into putting a space ranger to bed. You see, many people don’t know how particular they are, and how much they need consistency. Sure, many have tried to duplicate the process, but none have been able to accomplish this task except for Special Agent Mom and Dad. There is hope though, so don’t let me frighten you. I can provide you with secret training that (taken seriously enough) can certify you in this highly honored tradition. So listen up, rookie.
The first step in getting a space ranger to go into hyper-sleep is to let him know that there aren’t any other options. This can be tricky, as space rangers have a keen sense of time when it nears eight o’clock. The best way to tell him is by showing the ranger his glow-in-the-dark space suit. This normally gets him excited to start the procedure. It is normally a good idea to let him “charge up” their suits, so that he will glow in his chambers once the lights have been turned off.
Once the ranger has flown around the lower level of the house, it is now time for nightly formalities. At this point, the special agent in charge will sing a song, followed by a kiss. Yes, we know that this isn’t very “ranger-like,” but it is a necessity, and rangers do it best.
Next, is the long trip up the stairs to the second quadrant. There is a switch on the right hand side of the wall, and it must be flipped to an upright position before the trek is even attempted. On the way up the flight of steps, the alphabet is usually rehearsed, and the picture on the table is dutifully noted, by the ranger, as being “a baby.” It all appears to be very redundant to the untrained eye, but a special agent knows better-keep this in mind at all times.
Immediately afterward, the special agent readies the largely essential tooth-brushing device. Once a pea sized amount of super paste is put on the device, the agent scrubs the space ranger’s teeth. Next, the ranger will take over and continue the action. This step is critical, as a successful space ranger cannot have rotten teeth. This too, is dutifully noted each night.
Lastly, the most important steps of the night: we call this “The Big Tuck.” The ranger steps into his sleeping compartment, and shows the agent that the air cooling machine is not on, forcing the agent to start the apparatus. This is important because it is dangerous to allow the ranger to over-heat. When the ranger is comfortably lying on his bed, there is a very specific tactic to cover him for proper rest. First, the two matching yellow coverings are placed on either side of the ranger’s head, where he will adjust them to his liking. Next, the green cover is placed over the ranger’s body, and repeated with the fluffy white cover. The last cover actually belongs to Special Agent Mom, but when she wasn’t looking, the ranger stole it for his own collection. It is, I must say, a beautiful, burgundy, goose-down throw, and is positioned to the left of his body.
As soon as that step is effectively finished, the space ranger will want a hug and kiss. He does this because he knows that the special agent in charge will probably just beg and grovel, and refuse to leave until he does this. The agent and ranger then exchange their ceremonial “goodnights,” and “I love yous.” It seems that this is the most enjoyable part of the entire ritual for both. Soon, the ranger will sing himself to sleep, glowing in his suit the entire time. If the agent does not vacate the area quickly enough, he or she is liable to sit in the hall to listen, and slowly have his or her heart melted. Although it sounds dangerous, it is actually said to be quite therapeutic.
So, are you ready? Did you pay attention? If you do not follow each and every direction which I clearly laid out for you, the ranger will pick up on this and not let you continue to the next step without first correcting the mistake. If you can complete the process correctly, you are then deemed certified as someone who will forever be able to put a space ranger to hyper-sleep. Congratulations, Special Agent.
(copyright "life in falls")
Labels: me. Me. ME.
posted by Sarah at
Sunday, September 11, 2005
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